Christmas is Coming
Back to Bonanza Dreaming - Back to Giggly Sister Stories
The first fall of snow was blanketing the Ponderosa, coating the trees with
soft, powdering snow, while long icicles hung from the roof of the ranch house.
“We’d better start making preparations for Christmas,” Ben announced one
morning. “You boys had better go up to the attic and hunt out all the
decorations.”
“We’ve got an attic?” Adam asked in amazement. After all, he’d designed the
house and he couldn’t remember putting in an attic. Then again, now he came to
think about it, he was still unsure why Joe’s bedroom kept moving and changing
shape, or why there was sometimes an inconvenient gap at the side of the stairs.
However, this was hardly Adam's fault, for according to the accepted chronology
he had been no more than eleven years old at the time.
Before Ben could answer, there was an icy gust of wind that whipped around the
entire ground floor and Hoss came in, followed by a minor snowdrift. Hop Sing
came beetling out of the kitchen and surveyed the mess with disgust.
“Next time you design a house, sonny, remember to put in a hallway! They’re
there for a good reason!” Adam cringed visibly. It was probably a good thing
that he had abandoned architecture for ranching.
The blonde decided it was time to change the conversation. ”It’ll be Paw’s first
Christmas!” she announced proudly. “How lovely to have Christmas with a baby in
the house!”
“I’ve been stitching a lovely stocking for him to hang up!” the redhead
confessed. “But he’ll have to send his letter to Santa first.” She took the
little bear by the paw and lead him over to the fireplace, where she carefully
held a letter above the flames and then let the hot air waft it up the chimney.
“There now! The fairy sitting on top of the chimney will take that to Santa for
you.”
Paw looked ecstatic, Joe and the blonde looked entranced and Adam looked as if
he would really rather not have a furry nephew. What on earth did one get a bear
for Christmas anyway?
“Do you think Paw’s old enough to go to Midnight mass?” asked the blonde and the
Cartwrights nearly fell off their chairs with shock.
Joe recovered his composure first. “We go to a non-denominational church,” he
explained. “Of course, no such thing actually exists, either then or now, but we
don’t want to offend the viewers, do we?”
“How could anyone be offended?” the redhead wanted to know but she just received
blank looks in return. After all, this was the family that had quite happily
buried Catholic Marie in unconsecrated ground and found nothing unusual about
that at all.
“What would you like for Christmas?” The blonde smiled charmingly at Ben, who
sat up just a little straighter in his chair.
“Well, not another horse, that’s for sure!” Why did his boys insist on giving
him horses as presents? He had a hard enough job with Buck, even when the
creature was sedated courtesy of Doc Martin, but he certainly didn’t want
another horse. His three sons looked mortally offended, especially Joe, who had
nearly died trying to deliver an incredibly ugly white horse to his father as a
birthday present in The Gift. And then it turned out that Pa was quite happy
just cuddling Joe and didn't want anything else! How much trouble could have
been saved if only he'd said that in the first place.
“How about a nice rifle then?” suggested the redhead. After all, this did seem
to be Ben’s gift of choice to his sons. For some unexplained reason, he didn’t
seem to realise that the gun racks were stuffed to the gunnels already.
“But rifles are so hard to disguise and you can always tell what the gift is, no
matter how many little bows you use!” Ben complained, not quite realising this
was the pot calling the kettle black.
“We could see if we could get a Santa hat to brighten up those horns above the
fireplace?” the blonde ventured. After all, they did tend to dominate the room
and they weren’t the most attractive piece of décor she’d ever seen. She smiled
winningly at Hoss, who blushed. “You had a lovely one in Gabrielle, Hoss.”
“Aw, shucks,” Hoss muttered. “Weren’t little Gabrielle jist the cutest thing you
ever saw?”
“What about a nice cardi?” the redhead suggested to Ben. She hated the things
with a vengeance, and both girls had been vetoing Joe’s attempts to buy himself
one, but it seemed more fitting for Ben’s age group. And besides, it was
decidedly drafty in the Ponderosa and a cardi would keep him warm.
“Thermal underwear?” suggested the blonde.
“A new waistcoat?” added the redhead. Boy, they were on a roll now! “Complete
with conchos, of course.”
“A waistcoat?” Ben echoed. “My dear, we more properly call them vests.”
“In Scotland, you wear a vest under your shirt,” the redhead told him. “Not over
it!”
“There’s always a new saddle,” Joe interjected. “That’s useful.”
“Not if you don’t like riding!” Ben thought darkly. “I think I’d quite like a
new vest,” he said tentatively. “After all, I’ve had my silver brocade vest
since season one.”
“You do look lovely in it, though!” flattered the blonde, batting her eyelashes
like mad. “But perhaps a new vest would be nice – maybe shot through with gold
or bronze?”
Ben smiled happily at her. “Quite right! And maybe even a new string tie to
match!” Of course, he really should get a new suit too – his best suit had never
been the same since the time Hoss insisted on trying to squeeze into it for his
violin recital during Maestro Hoss.
“I’d like a new winter coat!” Hoss said firmly. “Adam and Joe both havedecent
coats, but mine all look like reconstituted horse blankets and it ain't fair!”
The sisters made a note of this and looked enquiringly at Adam.
“An illustrated edition of the complete works of Shakespeare?” suggested the
redhead.
Adam shook his head. “Got one already,” he said apologetically.
“A shirt in a nice, bright, cheery shade?” the blonde enquired.
“Wore one in the first season, but it didn’t quite convey the impression that I
am the dark, brooding, thoughtful son.”
Joe looked perplexed. “What on earth do my pants say about me?”
“Everything that’s necessary!” the sisters assured him.
Hop Sing shuffled ostentatiously into the room, hoping desperately someone would
ask him what he would like for a present, as he was fed up with wearing the same
silk jammies week after week. He never seemed to get a present, which wasn’t
very fair. It didn’t matter to him that he didn’t celebrate Christmas per se; a
present would be nice to show he was remembered and being thought of. Little did
he know that the sisters had bought him some slippers in the right size, so that
he made less noise as he slipped around the place. They had included some nice
dusters and floor polish, too, as a subtle hint that the housework needed seeing
to.
“A complete works of Dickens?” suggested the redhead. “All the Waverly novels?”
“Got them,” Adam mourned.
“Singing lessons?” Joe murmured, quite audibly. Adam threw him a black look
which Joe pretended he didn’t see. “Well, what would you like?” Joe demanded,
fed up of suggesting things that Adam vetoed.
“I shouldn’t have to suggest Christmas presents,” Adam told him. “You should
know instinctively what to get me.”
“We just suggested a whole pile of nice things and you turned them all down!”
the blonde exclaimed. Perhaps he would like a nice purple Barbie unicorn, like
Elen wanted…? He certainly wouldn’t get one from anybody else! She still
couldn’t quite work out how she’d been conned into that one, but one thing was
sure, Paw certainly wasn’t getting any nasty tat like that! Some nice wooden
building blocks, perhaps, or some lead soldiers or… Suddenly, she realised that
she had the very idea!
“Joe!” she carolled delightfully! “I’ve seen both you and Adam playing with
dollies! It’s nice to see you’re in touch with your feminine sides! Do you think
that would be a good pressie for Paw?”
The brothers exchanged grim glances. “My dolly belonged to a little girl!” Adam
explained, through gritted teeth. He’d often longed for a dolly of his own, but
first Inger and then Marie had thought that a baby brother would fill that gap
nicely. It just wasn’t the same though. Babies tended to squeak at an alarming
volume if you casually swung them by their ears. Adam cast a guilty glimpse at
Joe: the boy did wonders with his hairstyle, but there was no doubt that his
ears stuck out!
“I gave that doll as a present to a poor, lonely girl,” Joe explained and then
looked across at the redhead and grinned broadly. “Its hair was almost as red as
yours!”
Ben was still ruminating over his vest. “Do you think conchos are appropriate on
an evening vest?”
“Well, it depends,” began the blonde, for she was a tactful soul.
“What exactly are conchos for?” asked the redhead, who was rather more direct.
“They match Buck’s outrageously camp bridle,” Ben began and then broke into a
broad smile. “And they come in jolly handy for levering off bottle tops!”
“How come we don’t celebrate Christmas every year?” Hoss was wrinkling his brow
in perplexation.
“Because there still aren’t calendars out here?” Joe suggested weakly. "We do
live on the fringes of civilisation, even if we do appear to have an extensive
and inexhaustible wine cellar!"
“No calendars! I bet that plumb confuses the viewers!”
“Not to mention the fact that winters in the High Sierras only seem to last for
a couple of weeks!” the blonde added. She’d personally visited Lake Tahoe in
October and could attest to the fact that the motor boats appeared to have been
shrink-wrapped in thick, blue plastic to protect them from the extreme
temperatures. However, no viewers appeared to have noticed that the seasons were
dictated by the more temperate southern California climate.
Joe gave her a reproachful look. “Would you really want all my boyish charms
swaddled in several layers of wool?” he asked gently. It all became clear – that
was why Adam had his coat firmly buttoned in the opening scenes of My Brother’s
Keeper, whereas Joe rode jauntily along in his shirtsleeves. Things were
definitely autumnal, but the viewers wanted to see Joe’s shirt unbuttoned and
admire his slinky hips. They couldn’t do that when he had his winter coat on,
even if it was the nice sheepskin one from The Other Son. The hideous
blue-checked one from Escape to Ponderosa was better forgotten.
“You’re quite right,” the blonde agreed. “It wouldn’t do at all.”
“Ah, if only Scottish winters were so obliging,” muttered the redhead, thinking
of the hours she spent scraping frost and snow off the car. At least horses
didn’t need to be de-iced all that often.
Gritting his teeth, Ben asked, “What would you girls like for Christmas?” he
still lived in the hope that they would fall heir to the Curse of the
Cartwrights, but he had yet to see them in any kind of ordinary dress, never
mind a blue one and after being in residence for 11 months, it seemed a forlorn
hope.
Smiling the girls chorused, “We have what we want for Christmas – Joe.”
Ben gave Joe an appraising look. He was definitely the smallest and slimmest of
the Cartwright boys, but even so, gift-wrapping him would be a nightmare.
Especially when it came to his ears. Observant viewers will have noted that Joe
had one teeny, tiny little flaw, namely his ears, which were ever so slightly
sticky-out. Perhaps he could find a stocking large enough to pop the dear boy
into?
Hoss decided that it was time to move the conversation onto more important
matters. "What are we having for Christmas dinner?"
"How about a nice roast goose?" Adam suggested. His pillows were getting rather
thin and some extra goose feathers would plump them up a treat.
"Splendid idea!" Ben agreed. "And we're nearly out of goose-grease for rubbing
on Joe's chest when he gets a cold!"
Hoss looked mutinous. "How come me an' Adam don't get goose-grease rubbed into
our chests too?"
"Think about it Hoss - the goose-grease would matt all the hairs on our chests
together!" chided his brother. Unlike Joe, the two elder Cartwright sons had
marvellously furry chests, which provided them with their own thermal heating.
It saved Ben a fortune, as he didn't need to heat their bedrooms in winter. In
fact, the insulating properties of Adam's hairy chest were so great that he
often didn't need to wear a pyjama jacket. A fact that got his fans very
over-excited.
“And are you having Christmas pudding and trifle for afters?” asked the redhead.
She personally hated Christmas pud, but trifle suited her quite well. “Or even
ice-cream.”
By now, Hoss was drooling freely. “And mince pies, too,” he added. “And
cranberry sauce, brussel sprouts, mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, peas and
carrots.” He sighed in bliss. “C’n we have a trial run?” he asked.
In the background, Hop Sing sighed. He’d been hoping to do something less
time-consuming this year. These huge meals took so much cooking! Perhaps Number
Seven cousin might have a take-away restaurant open in Virginia City by this
time next year!
"And what about your own Christmas shopping?" Ben enquired, patting the blonde
on the knee. "What are you buying for all your friends?"
"All done!" she announced happily. "We found the ideal present for everyone!"
The redhead grinned broadly. "A subscription to Bonanza Gold for each of them -
a whole year's worth of the Cartwrights - what more could anyone want?"
There were times that Ben was almost reconciled to the presence of the Giggly
Sisters on the Ponderosa. Nevertheless, he vowed to make sure he bought a small
barrel of brandy to see him through the festive period, for medicinal purposes
only, of course!
“After the shopping is complete, there’s only one thing left to do,” the redhead
announced.
“What’s that?” Ben asked, wondering if he should have let someone else do the
asking.
“Why, plan our New Year’s party, of course!” she replied.
Ben fixed her with a beady glare: "Have you ever heard of too much of a good
thing?" he asked testily. The Giggly Sisters smiled beatifically as they gazed
at the perfection that was Joe.
"Never!" the blonde assured him fervently.
The End
Giggly Sisters Production
December 2003