It’s a Serious Business, Being Funny.
Back to Bonanza Dreaming - Back to Giggly Sister Stories
Ben Cartwright sat at his desk, reading a letter delivered
from Virginia City that morning. As his eyes scanned the lines his dark eyebrows
shot higher and higher towards his hairline.
“Stuff and nonsense!” he expostulated, screwing up the letter into a ball and
tossing it in the general direction of the fireplace. However, his aim was off,
which somewhat spoiled the overall dramatic effect. Ben was actually notoriously
cack-handed, unable toss a letter into the fire from a distance of three feet,
as witnessed in Showdown. Of course, he blamed Continuity and Editing for this
little faux pas. However, it was a certainty that he’d never play professional
baseball, as the Deputy Sheriff, Clem, was rumoured to have done.
“What is it, Pa?” Adam asked, with a certain tone of resignation in his voice.
It was always a bad sign when his father got worked up, for his voice rose by at
least 20 decibels, seriously endangering all the windows in the house. No wonder
Joe had been so aggrieved over all the fuss Ben had made over one measly broken
window in The Flapjack Contest. Life on the Ponderosa could never be described
peaceful and Adam sometimes considered moving to the middle of a busy city,
where he could enjoy some well-earned quietude.
“My correspondent says that we are having too much fun and that Bonanza is meant
to be serious.”
In moments of great emotional distress, Adam had to pinch the bridge of his nose
very hard in order to retain his normal composure. But this was too much, even
for a man who was so reserved that he formally introduced himself to the family
every breakfast time.
“Serious?” he squeaked, sounding alarmingly like Joe, whose high-pitched giggle
had caused the Cartwrights untold amounts of distress over the years. While they
were quite accustomed to the disconcerting sounds, strangers tended to look
around in terror, almost expecting to be knocked over by men rushing by, with a
straightjacket at the ready.
“How can they ignore the rich vein of humour we’ve injected into popular
culture?” Ben moaned, thinking of such classic episodes as Ponderosa Explosion
and Caution: Easter Bunny Crossing.
“My personal favourite is The Savage,” the redhead said happily. Noticing the
stunned look on Adam’s face, she hastened to explain, “The bit where you throw
your hat to the floor, that is. Of course, the rest was a masterpiece of
dramatic acting.”
“I don’t see what’s so funny about the state of chaos we live in,” Joe
complained. “I mean, it’s fine to sit on the coffee table, but woe betide any
one who dares to put so much as a toe tip on it. And then there’s the matter of
my bedroom…”
Ben sighed heavily. He was getting just a little fed up with Joe’s constant
complaints about his moving bedroom. Catching the heavy gust of air rushing by
his ear and setting the centre light swinging madly to-and-fro, Joe decided to
switch tack.
“I mean, we’ve got all these extra bedrooms, including the one downstairs. So
how come visitors always get stuck in my room? Time after time it happens – The
Auld Sod, Square Deal Sam… And does anyone ask where I sleep? Do they care?”
“We care, poppet,” the blonde said soothingly, brushing Paw’s fur into a Mohican
and smiling broadly at the results.
“You’re making a lot of fuss over nothing,” Adam replied. He still wasn’t sure
about the redhead’s comment. “But acting is a serious business. You can’t really
have fun and do a good job.”
“We noticed that,” the redhead said, smiling at Paw, who was cavorting around
showing off his new fur style. “After all, you didn’t have a particle of fun
with Hoss and the Leprechauns, now did you? You didn’t really enjoy thumbing
your nose and doing that charming little dance. We could all tell that.”
“I were right about them little fellas,” Hoss said. “An’ none of yous believed
me!”
“That was a classic episode,” the blonde said, reminiscently. “Joe was wonderful
in it.” She smiled at him fondly and he went “Yoo-hoo!” just for the sisters.
They nearly passed out with bliss.
“You were quite funny in The Burma Rarity, too,” the blonde told Adam. “You
almost had a passable Cockney accent.”
Adam smirked modestly. “I have a talent for accents,” he said, as though this
was unique to him.
“Ya don’t say, guv,” hazarded the redhead, who was quite adept at accents, too.
Adam gave her a hard look, which she ignored. Every time he tried to show off
his skills, the redhead managed to show him up. She was just as annoying as his
pesky little brother. Talented, gorgeous – no wonder he hated her!
“He was a real stuffed shirt in The Ponderosa Matador,” Joe said. “Did you see
the way he sucked up to that girl, spouting off Spanish?”
“If anybody had bothered to create a bible and take note of previous episodes,”
said the redhead, “they would’ve remembered that you spoke some Spanish in El
Toro Grande.” She sighed, for that had been another episode where Joe had been
allowed to fence, and he was sooooo sexy when he did that.
“An’ I won the gal that time,” Hoss said, with evident glee. “I wonder what
happened to her?”
"Disappeared without trace, I should think," the blonde said. "Probably best, in
the long run. I mean, imagine how crowded the Ponderosa would be if everyone who
fell in love with you stayed around!"
"No to mention the fights," Ben moaned piteously. He still hadn't forgotten the
mud-wrestling match in Springtime. Judging from the exclamations and the sounds
of scrubbing coming from the kitchen Hop Sing hadn't either.
"Now there was an episode with something in it for everyone!" the redhead
observed. "A segment devoted to each of the boys, three journeys of realisation
and development, some lovely bits of comic relief thrown in for good measure and
a satisfying ending."
"Plus, we got to see your bare feet!" the blonde sighed adoringly at Joe.
"Don't forget The Gunmen!" Hoss said happily. "That were downright hilarious in
parts. ‘Specially that false moustache they stuck on you, Shortshanks!"
"How many hamsters gave up their lives for that 'tache?" Adam wheezed, between
large guffaws of laughter.
Joe reddened and decided it was time to change the subject. "Don't forget San
Francisco - the sight of Pa getting shanghaied was brilliant!"
Hoss nodded eagerly. "Sure was. Plus, it was about the only time we ever managed
to have ourselves a proper holiday."
"Speak for yourself!" Adam said sourly. "I didn't get to go - remember?" He
still felt rather bitter about this and wondered if a nice, long break away from
the Ponderosa was what he needed.
The Giggly Sisters remembered the sight of the Cartwrights getting prepared for
a night out and sniggered quietly. Those string ties bore a remarkable
resemblance to satin ribbons, making Ben, Hoss and Joe look like three
life-sized teddy bears. Still, that paled into insignificance when it came to
the Cartwrights’ trousers.
As befitting the patriarch of the Ponderosa, Ben was the only member of the
family who seemed to have avoided the curse of the comedy trousers, which
provided hours of amusement for eagle-eyed viewers. Nowadays, Adam had fairly
normal trousers, but there were several episodes when he sported unfeasibly
large turn-ups and in the early seasons Hoss had displayed a penchant for
tucking his pant-legs into his boots, but Wardrobe had spoken sharply to him
about that. However, Joe continued to be forced into stone-coloured pants, which
may have fitted beautifully around the butt, were which were lamentably short in
the legs and rode up alarmingly when he sat down. They had been a reasonable fit
to begin with, in the days when he wore the grey and blue jackets, but with the
advent of the green jacket had come ever-shorter trousers. As for Roy Coffee
with his old mannie trousers with the waist up to his armpits, and the crotch
somewhere between his knees... – well the less said there the better!
“So, are you going to reply to your correspondent?” the redhead asked Ben.
“Well, I don’t want to get into a debate about this,” he said, thinking hard.
“But I don’t think Bonanza is meant to be taken too seriously.”
“Me, either,” said Joe, who loved nothing more than fooling around pulling silly
faces and laughing hysterically.
“And people love the series the way it is,” Adam interjected, although it galled
him to have to agree with Joe about anything.
“And you’ll be remembered for many, many years,” added the blonde. She eyed Paw,
who was now flattening his Mohican.
“Remembered with love and laughter,” said Joe. “Sounds good to me.”
The
End
Giggly Sisters Productions
June 2003